and i’ll try to eat but i literally cant i feel so fucking fat and disgusting when i look at food and i have no appetite at all and i just feel like all the work i’ve put in going up has been pulled right out from under me and i hate that. like i thought i was getting better with it but now i wake up and i feel disgusting and i look in the mirror and see something so fucking gross and i wanna cry and i get so mad at myself. Idk whats been the deal but like the past two weeks have sucked ass regarding food and idk. I used to pride myself on having swallowed her whole. For years now shes been dormant in the back of my mind. Knowing Im going to reach that point because how can I not? how can I do this forever? I know my self worth is so much more but am fully aware that the world i live in is just one of numbers. the lean muscle the music the ribs and hip bones and abs and everything else that will turn to ash when I finally decide I cant do it anymore. It’s about talking too much at lunch dates and to go bags that get thrown out halfway down the block. Its about not having to sit at family meals. Even being with friends isn't about wanting to be social. The worst part is I know this is just the beginning.
How did I get back here? How did I let myself slip back into the poisonous of my mind. Every mirror I pass is judgement, Every morsel of food is failure.
0 kommentar(er)
